The 110 Percent Plan
I am surprised astonished conservatives have not proposed a
completely new tax structure, a simple, fair, simple, efficient and simple tax
system with incentives. Here is how: Tax the top one percent
at negative 100 percent and the next 19 percent at zero percent. The bottom 80
percent would be assessed a $30,000 flat tax or a 110 percent tax if income is
below $30,000. Like the wisest men in America--football coaches--we need
Americans who give 110 percent.
Terrific. Did I
mention simplicity? Americans would not need complex tax calculations. Many Americans could
file returns on special IRS post cards.
Yeah, yeah, but why would the bottom 80
percent bother to earn anything? Here is where part two comes in: We institute
automatic debtors prisons for anyone in the bottom 80 percent who does not pay
at least $20,000 in taxes. We put
sadistic guards in the prisons.
After all, what one person earns is
exactly what person created. Wealth has nothing to do with others' actions.
Some might start mumbling about luck,
heredity, education, the Fed, tax policies, cultural gifts, patent law, tax
subsidies, kleptocracy, blah, blah, blah. Considering all the top one percent
do for everyone else, 100 percent rewards is the least we can do for them. Noted
top one percent expert Aaron Spelling reports that if it were not for his deep, deep
television shows, the suicide rate would be much higher. We would be living in
the Stone Age. What would we do without information
age celebrities and techno-populists? If it were not for Mark McGwire and
Windows 98, we might be starving.
How would this plan provide incentives to ordinary Americans? Let's say
you are currently doing something nearly worthless--working as a nurse
for $34,000 a year, for example. You could keep doing that, but who wants to pay $30,000 in
taxes and net $4,000? You would stop your foolish ways and do something more productive such as becoming the world's most outstanding
country-reggae artist, offering "I have tears in my ears because
I shot the sheriff after too many beers, but I did not shoot the deputy,
too." You greatly increase your productivity and almost everyone else
could, too. Everyone could become
Unlike almost all economists, I have
not forgotten about children. I propose a $100,000 tax on all minors. This
would reduce the birth rate to near zero and eliminate the cost of children to
almost everyone. Who would provide trillions every year in future retirement
benefits? Immigrants, of course.
So what if immigrants have a mean age
only five years younger than other native born citizens. By increasing immigration
to 80 million per year, we create enough working age individuals to provide for
This plan would also help other
problems. Forget all the other causes. Loss of blood is the great cause of
murder. With the great innovative tax incentives on the top one percent, it
will not be long before artificial blood, artificial organs and robot surgeons
are available on every street corner, thus cutting the murder rate more than
any other public policy.
Other problems could also be solved.
This has been proved by controlled scientific studies. When six power market
economists placed in one room were compared with four other groups of six power
market economists, there were no significant differences between the groups.
They all agreed that almost any policy that does not maximize incomes for the rich is artificial.
My plan would also help the world's
greatest social institution: Marriage. The bottom 80 percent would have a great
incentive to marry billionaires, thereby escaping taxes. Polygamy would be
legalized. Billionaires could easily marry 1,000 spouses, preserving the
natural order that God first proclaimed in Origin of Specious.
Civilizing citizens and improving health, the
non-rich would be buff and subservient to attract a rich spouse.
It matters little how many Americans
are in debt or in debtors prison. What matters
is that the number of billionaires skyrockets. America is
all about the opportunity to become a billionaire after years of hard work.
Colonel Sanders is an American icon. A 24-year-old working mom is not. The Colonel
showed that after a lifetime of struggle anyone can increase the amount of
saturated fat and bird remains in landfills.
Some might say the bottom 80 percent will always include 80 percent of the population. But with the creativity enhancing tax incentives, someone will invent a way for the top one percent to include more than the top one percent.
—Article by J.T. Fournier, last updated July 26, 2009